In this article, I’ll introduce a series dedicated to exploring the Three Stages of Grief. Following this introduction, you can expect to read subsequent pieces on www.medium.com and at www.paularoseparish.com- Your Wellness Matters every other day. Join me on this insightful journey as we delve into the depths of grief and its stages.
For a closer comprehensive look at this subject purchase my book Nothing Good About Grief available on Amazon.
During my early days, after leaving the hairdressing trade, I pursued a career as a State Enrolled Nurse. I had the opportunity to work in a hospital in a small bush town. This town, known as Tumby Bay, is situated on the scenic West coast of Eyre Peninsula in South Australia.
Tumby Bay Hospital was a rural facility, so I worked across all wards, dealing with various cases, including births, deaths, and surgeries. I had the privilege of caring for grieving individuals, and little did I know at the time the lessons I learned from them would become invaluable for my future career.
As a psychotherapist, I’ve explored various theories about the stages of grief. Over time, I’ve studied numerous approaches, some intricate while others are more straightforward.
I wrote a book titled “Nothing Good About Grief,” which is readily available on Amazon. In it, I aimed to deliver simple yet effective explanations, thus focusing on three stages of grief instead of the more conventional seven.
Three Stages
By emphasising three stages rather than the entire spectrum, my book offers an advantage to those navigating their bereavement journey.
A concise framework can help individuals navigate and understand their emotions more effectively, especially during suffering. It allows them to gain clarity and avoid feeling overwhelmed by breaking down their experiences into manageable pieces.
By providing a structure to process their emotions, individuals can find support and guidance in their healing journey without getting lost in a lengthy therapy process. It can make a difference in their ability to cope and move forward.
Dealing with loss and grief can be an incredibly challenging and overwhelming experience.
Going through the seven stages of grief, as described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, can indeed feel like a lot, especially when dealing with raw emotions.
Simplifying the process can be beneficial, as it allows individuals to focus on taking small steps towards healing and wholeness over time.
Understanding and acknowledging the three stages I have mentioned could provide a more manageable framework.
When grief enters our lives, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed and seek ways to escape or find solace. Sometimes, the instinct may be to distance ourselves from everything we know or to seek comfort in a new way. However, knowing how these coping mechanisms can have their challenges, such as co-dependence or other potential disasters, is essential.
Taking the time to process emotions and gradually move through the stages of grief can provide a more sustainable and transformative healing process. It’s important to give yourself permission to grieve and seek support from loved ones or professionals who can help guide you through this difficult time.
Understanding the Initial Reactions.
Facing grief and loss can elicit different reactions from individuals. One typical response is to become frightened and emotionally frozen, making it challenging to feel anything. This fear may lead to pushing away loved ones and isolating oneself. On the other hand, some may seek comfort in new relationships or lifestyles, which can have negative consequences.
It’s essential to recognise that while these reactions may seem reasonable at the time, they can be destructive to oneself and those around us and our future. It can take time and self-reflection to fully understand the dynamics of these reactions and how they have kept us stuck in our grief.
The Problem of Suffering.
It’s true that grief inherently involves suffering, and understandably, nobody likes to experience pain. We can explore this aversion to suffering later in the series.
The key to recovery is to be patient with yourself. Seek understanding and support, and gradually work towards healing and embracing a healthier future.
In my experience of supporting others through their grief, I’ve observed that most people, although not all, go through the three stages of grief. While it’s not a universal experience, understanding these stages can offer a helpful frame of reference to navigate your grief.
It’s important to remember that you are a unique individual, and your reactions are valid and significant. Your story reminds me of an experience I had many years ago when seeking counsel for emotional trauma.
Choose the Right Counsellor/Psychotherapist for You.
The psychotherapist I saw was well-qualified and experienced, but she had a tick-box approach. She asked me about my story and then determined that I was in a particular stage of grief and needed to respond in a specific way. She was primarily focused on academic categorisation rather than providing personalised support.
I understand how important it is to find a supportive professional who recognises and respects your unique needs in the grief and healing process.
It can be disheartening when it feels like you’re just being checked off a list rather than being treated as an individual with specific hurts and emotions.
Define the Goal of your Therapy.
When starting therapy, it’s essential to have a goal in mind.
The therapist’s role is to assist you in discovering and defining those goals rather than imposing them on you. Having clear objectives provides a sense of direction and allows you to gauge your progress towards healing.
As mentioned before, embracing a flexible approach to the stages of grief can be helpful in the healing process. Each person’s journey is unique, and it’s perfectly normal to experience these stages in a different order or even simultaneously.
Ultimately, the main focus should be making sense of your emotions and finding healing rather than rigidly adhering to strict rules.
It’s okay to pursue an alternative path that resonates with you.
It’s worth noting that working through grief involves stages that may overlap or blur lines at times. This shouldn’t be seen as an issue, as the purpose is not to follow a specific set of guidelines but to gain insight into your emotions and experiences.
As we move through this series to explore the three stages of grief, I invite you to share this information.
The stages are provided as a guide to help you and others to identify and understand certain feelings within yourself, which may lead to seeking help and finding healing.
My next article will delve into the First Stage of Grief.
You can also read this article on medium.com
Thank you for reading to the end. For more Tips, visit, Your Wellness Matters. www.paularoseparish.com. We collect Donations for the Port Talbot Branch of Welsh Women’s Aid. Please feel free to donate on my website.
I have worked internationally with over 40 years of experience. I have a Bachelor of Pastoral Counselling and Theology and a Master of Arts in Counselling & Professional Development. BACP Life Coaching Certificate. I currently work as a Christian educator, blogger, and author. I am a grandmother and live with my two dogs in Wales, UK.
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You’ll find my book’s on Amazon.com, and If you wish to connect with me, please do so on paularoseparish@gmail.com
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